


i could never (let you go)

by sanguinedawns



Series: a soft epilogue, my love [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 01:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17295101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguinedawns/pseuds/sanguinedawns
Summary: sakura receives a letter. naruto details his life outside of konoha.





	i could never (let you go)

**Author's Note:**

> this is for kylie and it's gonna be letter sent over different times and it's a series and this is the first part. anyway i hope u like it. 
> 
> also. obviously not edited because im lazy lmfao.

The letter comes in a sealed envelope, a soft beige with corners worn in which tells Sakura it was written a while back, or maybe sent ages ago, the mail’s been so unreliable with the shift in priority letters sorted first and residential ones getting lost amongst the flurry. Since the end of the war, there has been an undercurrent of urgency, a buzz that’s taken permanency in the form of diplomatic treaties, unending coalitions, the opening of trade with markets that weren’t accessible to Konohagakure before. Konoha has somehow become the center of these negotiations seeing as it was a Leaf Shinobi that brought the war to an end. That allows Konoha to be the base for future setups to create systems that evidently avoid conflicts.

 

The foot traffic has increased, she notices treading through the throngs of people, due to the constant visitors and officials from other nations, towards her apartment; she got her own place as soon as she turned eighteen.

 

Once she’s climbed the stairs to her unit, she clicks the heel of her boots on the threshold, grabbing the handle and turning it to open the door. The hallway opens to a living room with sunlight pouring in abundance, she tugs off her shoes and beelines towards her kitchen, dropping the bag of groceries in her hand she opens the utensils drawer to take out a cutting knife.

 

Drawing back a chair from the small dining table of four she slides the knife under the seal flap, careful tearing it open and plucking out the letter from within it. Setting aside the knife to her right, she unfolds the paper and is welcomed with an earthy scent, reminiscent of Suna's dessert and reads:

 

_Sakura-chan!_

 

_Guess where I am. Can u guess?_

 

The handwriting is messy and not easily distinguishable, but she’s been used to reading the scribbles etched in a hurry since she was twelve, barely old enough to nit-pick neatness unlike now when she’s helping Kakashi in the Hokage tower sorting official documents or when she’s charting at the hospital. Smiling to herself she’s thankful that despite no matter how much time passes - days, months, years - somethings are meant to stay the same.

 

The letter continues in riddling greetings and easy jokes until she finishes the first paragraph to read something that grows the flicker of warmth in her chest, her emotions unmooring with each word.

 

_Let me tell you a story….or maybe you know? Are you ready?_

 

Naruto wakes up to the splintering sunlight, the foliage of the forest canopy breaking in streaks and drawing symmetrical lines across the bare skin of his arms, he sighs into a grimace noticing the dryness of his mouth. It feels like sandpaper as if he’s still in Suna helping Gaara out. He shifts on the disheveled bedding they’d made out of leaves and stretches his limbs. His hand accidentally prods the body next to him, fingers poking at a hard shoulder, and just as easily he turns and lets his fingers slide down the length of the arms to find a wrist to grasp. Curling his fingers around the bony joint.

 

_I think i’m in love. Don’t laugh, yeah? But i think it’s love._

 

“You’re awake,” a voice breaks him out of his sleepy stupor, eyes pressing shut one more time before his vision adjusts to the tufts of white of Suigetsu’s hair as he peers down at him. “The next village is only a couple of miles? Jūgo and I paroled the area with Garuda and I guess they’re having some trouble with getting fresh water.”

 

As if on cue, the taupe colored bird descends into Naruto’s lap and carefully ambles towards its master. He nudges his beak into Sasuke’s palm as the boy shifts in his sleep, habitually fingers flexing outwards and carding through the soft hair of the animal. Jūgo walks over with a smile on his face and a flask in his hand that he extends towards Naruto, “Water?”

 

He graciously accepts and takes a sip - eyes never leaving Sasuke’s sleeping form adjusting to Garuda snuggling into his palm. “We should probably wake him up,” Suigetsu whines, “We still have a long way to go and Karin said if we want to reach Kumo by winter we need to pick up our pace.”  


“She’s just mad we stayed in Suna longer than anticipated cause _you lot_ hate the heat,” Naruto snickers to which Suigetsu just pouts, “Hey! It’s too fucking arid. I start breaking out _literally_.”

 

“Poor water baby and his need to be hydrated. Gaara told you you can stay at the greenhouse.”

 

“And get infested by some plant disease? No, thanks I still have major PTSD since--” he stops mid-rant when he notices that Sasuke has now shifted on his back. Eyes fluttering open with his hair splayed out on the leafy green foliage. Naruto turns to face him, grinning ear to ear, “Morning.”

 

_It feels like my heart will explode like it’s growing outwards and taking up all this space. You’re a doctor, right, is this okay? I think it’s growing bigger and bigger, Sakura-chan. I think i don’t want it to stop._

 

The boys pack the camp while Karin sits with a map of the Five Great Nations laid in front of her, she has a marker in hand and her hair is tied in a bun as she chews on her bottom lip. Several seconds pass before she mumbles, “We should maybe change our plans about Kumo.”

 

“Why?” Naruto hears her anyway. If anything he’s learned about his cousin in the past few months is that she’s very smart, but at times she puts what she thinks best on the back burner to account for others’ feelings or decisions. That’s just a side effect of being used as a prop for war and destruction all your life and he gets it, he’s experienced it firsthand, and if anything he wants it to end. That’s why he’s here.

 

So, he asks again, “Why shouldn’t we, Karin?”

 

“I just don’t see why we need to help them when they--” her words go unspoken even if they’re heard loud and clear, eyes drifting to where Sasuke’s tucking his Katana in its sleeve. He shrugs a shoulder, his face expressionless, “I don’t mind.”

 

“They wanted to kill you. _Us_ ,” she argues, hands fisting in her lap clutching onto the fabric of her tights. “It’s not okay.”  


Suigetsu impetuously puts in, “We did attack them first.”

 

Karin shakes her head, her eyes are so bright red sometimes Naruto catches a glimpse of his mother in them, it’s foolish on his part cause they’re related by blood but they barely know each other - or did. He’s trying to change that. “We didn’t know any better, what were we supposed to do? We were just thrust into everything, we were on autopilot--”

 

“Yeah, but we tried to capture the Jinchūriki and attacked at the summit we aren’t exactly an innocent party --”

 

Karin stands her ground, words coming out throaty and raw, “They wanted to kill us. They would have killed us, how are you defending them?”

 

“I’m not,” Suigetsu places his hands behind his head, shrugging, “I’m saying we have Naruto here now so it’s okay.”

 

Naruto appreciates the undeterred faith but his eyes seek out Sasuke, still so quiet, and before he can say anything he speaks up, “I’d like to apologize.”

 

Jūgo at this asks, voice coming out soft, “For what?”

Sasuke looks at Suigetsu and then Karin, then Jūgo and lastly Naruto, “For everything. It’s my fault and none of you are responsible for my actions whether you had chosen to help me or not.”

 

There is a finality in his words like he doesn’t want this to be argued, and the atmosphere shifts to tense until he breaks it with a soft chuckle, “Besides, someone once said running away won’t solve anything. So, from now on I’m facing everything head on. I’d understand if you’d like to leave.”

 

Suigetsu splutters out a string of curses and punches Sasuke in the shoulder, “Where’d we even go? Aren’t we family or some shit now--”  


Karin huffs, exasperated, ”Incorrigible, all of you.” But there are beginnings of a smile and Jūgo’s face reflects peace. Naruto just stares at Sasuke rolling his eyes at Suigetsu’s whining and figures they’ll be okay.

 

_He’s different but he’s the same and he smiles yknow? And god, sakura, when he smiles my world fucking tilts on its axis. So i keep asking myself, is it love? Is it?_

 

They’re almost at the borders of Kusagakure and Taikagakure meaning they have a long way to go before they even reach Kumo. For now, they head to the outskirts where a small village called Biei is. It’s set in between hills and is usually burgeoning with greenery but they’ve had a shortage of water recently since their supply from the main river has been cut off. Since it’s at the outskirts of Kusagakure it’s not connected to their resources, and since it’s so small they don’t have their own set of shinobis to do odd jobs like check why the river has stopped flowing. Help wouldn’t arrive for days so they’re kind of left stranded knowing that their primary source of income being agriculture is also set on hold for now.

 

Some villages they’ve visited before welcome them with sneers until their eyes adjust to the blonde of Naruto’s hair, the whiskers on his cheek, and they remember of the war hero but some stay mad. They’re angry cause he saved some and maybe not their own, that he did a lot but not _enough_ and it’s those people with their vacant eyes that draw tremors from him at night. But Biei opens to them with warmth. They don’t know who they are and they can’t be bothered.

 

The old lady whose family runs the village tugs on Sasuke’s sleeve where he’s missing an arm, she smiles at him brightly and says he reminds her of her grandson. He politely nods letting her continue her recollection of memories as Karin talks to the oldest son. They discuss the direction of the rivers and she asks for their most capable young men and women - a group not too big, just two women and two men.

 

Naruto’s bashful when the women eye him with pink on their faces asking him if he’s a shinobi and if he knows of the big war, and then they ask him how long he and his companions will be staying. They exchange pleasantries and make home in the small guest cottage they’re provided. It’s too small with two rooms for 5 people but since the start of their travel they’ve easily adjusted to each other in cramped spaces and now it’s second nature to split into rooms and set roots.

 

It’s early morning the next day they find themselves at the river facing the issue at hand. Seems like there was an earthquake which caused a mini avalanche of rocks blocking the river that leads to the village. They split into three groups with Naruto and Jūgo using their sheer number of clones and brute strength, respectively, to remove the rocks while Suigetsu and Sasuke set to clean the river.

 

Karin, on the other hand, brings the four villagers with her to the small rubble of rocks Jūgo sets aside and starts to teach. When they were told the story of Ashura and Indra, Sasuke had realized that chakra wasn’t gifted to them for violence, wasn’t made to create dissonance amongst people but instead to bolster their livelihood. But time is a fickle thing and with it, the meaning was lost. Even himself had failed to look at the root of the problem at first.

 

So, Karin _teaches_. She shows the villagers how to use the chakra to break the rocks, to make water rise and fall, and she teaches it not as shinobis are. She doesn’t call it a jutsu or doesn’t explain how the signs weaved can be harmful but instead how they can help and how they can be self-sufficient. How they can flourish without the help of shinobi villages who’d cost them more anyway.

 

Naruto’s standing at the edge of the river bank, his shirt misplaced somewhere next to his backpack, when he gets distracted by Sasuke helping the little girl who’d insisted coming along with her mother. He’s holding her up to the bent tree branch that has a shaggy bird’s nest, from where he’s standing he can see the small sparrow, a baby alone and probably unable to fly. The little girl carefully plucks the bird into her palms as Sasuke draws her back down into his chest, her smile wide with cheeks flushing as she shows him her new friend.

 

Naruto can hear his heart beating louder than the river crashing against the mountain of rocks.

 

_Gaara showed me this book in suna u know about gods and stars and i read we, us people, are two halves of a whole. I think he’s what makes me whole._

 

They don’t finish entirely but at least get a small stream flowing by the time dinner is served. They’re invited to the village grandma’s house for dinner and are seated on a tatami mat around a rather long chabudai*. Naruto sits next to Suigetsu as they exchange stories of here and there while Sasuke sits in between Jūgo and Karin directly facing Naruto. The old lady, Aiko, sits at the head of the table with her eldest daughter and asks about their day.

 

They fill their bellies with miso soup and Katsudon. They’re eating rice pudding, the lamp in the room flickering an orange hue when Naruto feels a heel press into his calf under the table. He looks up, no longer listening to old lady Aiko’s retelling of an infamous family lore, to Sasuke’s half-mast eyes glittering in mischief. Stretching his leg out he loops his foot around Sasuke’s partaking in a game of push and pull. It’s Suigetsu who pipes in, “You know, your tunnel vision is absolutely terrible.”

 

“What do you mean?” Intrigued, Naruto faces him, foot now drawn back.

 

“It’s just you’re here but…” his eyes drift off to where Sasuke is petting the family kitten that’s found comfort in Jūgo’s lap, “you know.”

 

Karin and Suigetsu head out back to the cottage earlier than the rest under the guise of being tired. But Naruto’s noticed the suspicious lack of bickering on their end in the past month. Jūgo retires to go for a walk saying he’d like to be by himself for a bit and Sasuke, hesitant as always, lets him go with a promise to call him if he needs it.

 

They walk back in slow steps to the cottage, the moon hanging high with a slight breeze in the air, the sweet smell of primrose enveloping them. He hasn’t been to Konoha in a year or maybe it’s been more. He’s lost track but last time he’d been there he was freshly eighteen and on the edge of losing his mind. The war ended, everyone went home, and he was still left with just as many unanswered questions he’d started with. But now they were different. They weren’t of _when he’d become Hokage_ ? But _does he even want to_?

 

As if sensing his spiral, Sasuke breaks through his thoughts, voice gruff as always, “Thanks.”

 

“For what?” he finds himself mimicking Jūgo from earlier.

 

“For being here,” Sasuke replies coolly, hand motioning in the air, “for staying, for being with us, I don’t know. Just you don’t have to be--”

 

“I’m choosing to be,” Naruto replies. He feels his heart in his throat, his tongue heavy as he says, “I want to be here.”

 

“I know,” Sasuke tilts his head and offers him a lopsided grin. “I can’t imagine you ever leaving me alone.” It’s meant to be teasing, to be a dig at all the times he’s chased after him, but something else alights in Naruto. His skin burning in shades of red.

 

He didn’t even realize they’ve stopped walking, that they’re standing still just facing one another, and his fingers itch the same itch he’d gotten in Suna when he saw Sasuke and Gaara laughing at Kankurō’s expense.

 

_Sakura-chan, u rmr when i kissed hinata. My first kiss. I remember feeling like i was floating. Sakura-chan, it burns. My skin is on fire when he touches me and when he’s close nothing exists. I don’t feel like im weightless but instead im being propelled towards what? It’s love, isn’t it?_

 

Naruto thinks he closes the distance, his lips meeting the other’s in a chaste touch and his skin erupts in goosebumps. It’s warm, he’d always imagined Sasuke to be cold, but he’s so warm like the fire his family carried. His fingers find the folds of Naruto’s jacket and Naruto brings his own hands to cup Sasuke’s jaw. They exchange dry pecks, nothing more than an innocent press of mouths, and when Naruto pulls back he sees color trickle across the bridge of Sasuke's nose.

 

_Sorry. I meant second kiss. He was my first._

 

They walk back to the cottage with Naruto’s fingers threaded with Sasuke’s. Laughing about something they remembered from Suna. Naruto thinks happiness is fleeting, but he’s content and that’s something new, something he’s never experienced.

 

_So that’s me. I’ll keep writing. Maybe when we reach kusagakure or something idk. I miss you a lot. Tell kakashi sensei to cut u some slack and let us vist. Oh! And tell ino i said hi. Anyway gotta go gaara has this new plant species he was telling me about i cant wait to check it out. Maybe if this shinobi thing doesn’t work out i can open a plant shop. Run the yamanaka family outta business, what say?_

 

_love,_

_Naruto Uzumaki_

  


Sakura smiles folding the letter when the front door opens with a holler, “I’m home!”

 

Ino tosses her shoes at the entrance and ambles over to where Sakura is seated, bending down to place a quick kiss to her lips, “Hello, my love, how was your day?” She moves to go to the sink but Sakura grabs her wrist pulling her closer. She tilts her head up and smiles into another kiss, and another, and when Ino pulls back pouting, Sakura mumbles with a soft smile, “It’s _love_.”

 

_P.s i think he thinks it’s love too._

**Author's Note:**

> pleeeease leave comments and kudos, thank you.
> 
> *chadubai = traditional japanese dinner table


End file.
